Turning a corner at 23 months.

Happy Valentine's Day!

When we brought, Alesha, home everybody would say how well she was doing. She seemed to adjust so quickly and was such a happy little girl.  While we agreed, we still had some significant bonding/attachment issues that were difficult to deal with.  Alesha, and I bonded instantly.  It was truly a miracle.  As I look back now I think God knew that she needed to bonded to one of us and have a strong sense of security before we faced all the medical issues that were before us.  With the numerous doctor appts resulting in poking, scraping, the itching, fevers, sores, and all the medications that needed to be administered for the months to come she needed to have something that was constant in her life.

Bonding with daddy was a different ball game all together.  From the beginning Alesha, has not been fond of men, even Indian men.  My guess is that because all of her caregivers where women she didn't see many men and the men she did see were probably in the context of hospitals, etc.  It was heartbreaking to see her not wanting daddy to hold her or let him meet any of her needs.  I had a hard time with finding that balance of not wanting to push the issue, but feeling overwhelmed with the pain my husband was feeling and not knowing how to fix it without seeing regression from Alesha.  We seemed to dance this fine line as the months went by.  There were great strides made with daddy being allowed to hold her, give her a bath, play games, read books, etc. with her, but she still seemed to have here guard up with him.  As these steps forward would take place we were elated with the progress and then something would happen (in her little mind) almost as if a trigger of some sort or a switch flipped and regression would take place.

All of this to say that in the last 2 weeks after being home for almost 9 months we have seen a different child.  Alesha, is such a happy little girl with lots of laughter and smiles.  She was like this before, but these last few weeks have been different.  It is as though she has let all those walls down and has determined for herself that it is okay to be herself and that she is loved no matter what.  She seems so FREE.  It is very hard to explain, but there is a remarkable change within her.  I get such a warm feeling in my heart as I watch her run to daddy with her arms outstretched when he gets home from work.  How he can interact with her and she is so relaxed and not guarded.  She is allowing him to meet some her needs, too, which is a nice break for me.  We still have work to do with bedtime, but we are thankful for the progress that has been made and how God has answered are many prayers in this area.  Attachment is such a complex and difficult path to navigate.  There will be progress and then regression, over and over again.  We are not naive enough to think that everything is perfect or we won't experience another trigger or regression in the days, weeks or years to come, but we are so thankful for how far we have come and give thanks for every step forward how ever small they may be.

Here are some photos from a few days ago that capture that relaxed, happy little girl that I have tried to describe in words.

I love it when she crinkles her nose.

Look at those LONG lashes.