Change and Fear

After much discussion and prayer we have decided that we will be taking our boys with us to India to bring our precious Alesha home. Our boys have been in this process from the beginning and are just as invested in it as we are. As we weighed all the pros and cons of bringing them with us we concluded that the only reasons we were not going to take them was money (passports, visas, airline tickets, etc) and inconvenience (extra packing, planning, potential sickness, crabbiness, culture shock, logistics,etc) We have decided that these are NOT good enough reasons (for us personally) to not take them. They are old enough to make the trip and we believe that it will be a life-changing trip for them. They are REALLY excited to go to India. I think meeting Alesha for the first time as a family in her birth country will be a very meaningful and powerful experience that we will all cherish forever.

It is funny how you have things planned out in your mind of how things will look and then there is a change, whether it be big or small. Bringing our boys was NOT in my thought process or planning. As we plan and pursue this change I am confronted with the fact that I have a lot of fear. I am not exactly a person that gets jazzed to board a plane, I don't really like the unknown, I fear for my children's safety and health, will my daughter that I have longed for for so long like me?, and the list goes on and on. Change has always been difficult for me. It is funny that as I looked over this post how many times I used the word change (that is why I put it in bold). It seems that along with change comes an element of fear. Change, for me, also brings to light the level of control that I like to have. This entire adoption journey has really tested me in the area of control. There is only so much in this process that you can actually control. WOW, this is SO FRUSTRATING at times. I think that with the lack of control is where my fear comes in. It doesn't make sense. I know that I shouldn't fear, but I do. God is really working on me in these areas. I need to just let go and TRUST God and HIS plan. There have been so many times in my life where I have been fearful and not in control of a situation and God has always been there and seen me through to the other side. I am trying to keep my focus on His faithfulness during those times and REST in HIM during my times of fear. I guess when it comes right down to it I think that when I am in control I can do it better. What a joke! The God of the universe, the one who created me, loves me, gave His life for me, and has a plan for my life.....don't you think HE would know best? The answer is YES! I guess it is human nature to rely on ourselves instead of God. I know in my head that God will help me through this, I think that I need to allow God to penetrate my heart with this truth! I know that He is fully capable of bringing the additional funds we need, protecting us in country, caring for my precious daughter while I am not there, and working out all the details of our upcoming trips, and all the changes that will come as we settle in back at home. Please pray for me that God will flood me with peace and that I will ultimately surrender to HIM and HIS plan for my life.

I wanted to journal these feelings so that I can look back and have yet another record of answered prayer and to see God's faithfulness to me.

I read this poem the other day and it really spoke to me. Words to live by!

You Can, Because He Can

by Roy Lessin

You can ask the Lord

because He will not give you a wrong answer.

You can wait upon the Lord

because His timing is always perfect.

You can trust in the Lord

because He makes no mistakes.

You can hope in the Lord

because He holds your future.

You can rest in the Lord

because He is in control of your life.

You can lean upon the Lord

because He is completely faithful.